For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to me a mom. I still had career ambitions and goals, but being a mom was always part of the plan. So, when I first got married at 22 years old, it never entered my mind that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant and become a mom. We were young and healthy and ready to start our family. Well, as fate would have it, it didn't happen like we thought it would. After several months of trying and seeing doctors and specialist, it was pretty much determined that I would not be able to have children.
I was devastated to say the least, as was my then husband. And it turned out, he was not willing to become a family via adoption. He wanted children "of his own" and I could not provide him that, so we ended up divorcing. Fast forward 6 years and in walks the true love of my life, my husband Mike. This time we were both a little older (both 34 years old) and armed with the knowledge that I was not able to have kids. Also, this time, I was married to man who of course would like to have had his own children, but did not think it was the end of the world (or our marriage) when he wouldn't and that there were other ways to make families.
We explored the world of traditional adoption and soon found it to be extremely expensive and possibly a lengthy process. We have friends and family that have traveled halfway across the world and others that have just gone another county or state over and all ended up with beautiful families. We knew we could come up with the money some way or another, but we were not able to get any younger as the days and years would go by waiting for a match. We became resolved to be happy as a family of 2 (+ a furkid) and to get on living our lives. However, we also knew there were so many kids in foster care just waiting to have a forever family of their own. Thus, began our journey into getting licensed to be foster care parents. In the beginning, we were not even sure if we would just foster or go the foster to adopt route. We were getting older by the day after all.
Then one day a good friend of mine called and informed me that her sixteen-year-old niece had gotten pregnant and they weren't sure if she would be keeping the baby. We of course told her we would be interested in adopting if it came to that once the baby was born. The teen mom; however, decided she wanted to keep the baby and we all moved on. About a month later, my friend called again to see where were in the fostering process. Illinois Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) had gotten involved and would we be open to taking in the baby if it came to that? Again, of course, we said yes. For two years these calls would come about more DCFS involvement and even the birth of another baby. And they would all end up leading to nothing. Until the day it didn't lead to nothing, it led to something horrific and we got the call that led to our two girls being brought to our home three days later.
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We were told it would probably be for 3-4 months, things would get resolved, and they would end up going back to their birth mom. Well, weeks and weeks led into months that led into years of court dates, counseling sessions, more siblings being born, and more finally leading us to 5 1/2 years later where we would find ourselves surrounded by lots of friends and family members in a courtroom on a very cold day in February. It all took about 20 minutes and it was officially done. The girls now had new last names and my husband and I "legally" had our family that we had prayed for for a very long time. I say legally, because we really became a family early on, but by it becoming legal it really did change a lot.
We would go on to have a big celebration about a month later with a lot of our friends and loved ones coming to congratulate us and wish us well. After all those years of waiting and wondering and going through the "hard stuff," it was finally over and we could move on with just being the Schroeder family. And that is pretty much what we did ... aside from a world pandemic starting and our lives being turned upside down. But we got through 5 1/2 years of fostering and dealing with DCFS, we knew we could make it through this, too.
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Is adoption hard - whichever route you take? Sometimes, yes. Is it worth it? Always, YES! We actually have made a difference in two little girls' lives and ours. Will we foster or adopt again? Not sure at this point - only time will tell. Would we recommend this way of becoming a family? It's definitely not for everyone, but if it is something you think you could do or have been wanting to do? DO IT! There is never a good time to foster or adopt a child, so don't let that make your decision. But, there is never a good time for a child to need a new family to love and care for them, whether from birth or at some other point in their life like our girls. There are so many kids out there needing forever homes that will provide them with a safe, happy, and permanent life. You may be the answer to their prayers.
And if adoption is just not right for your family, there are so many ways to help foster and adoptive families. There are places that take donations - both financially and/or goods and services that help families from diapers to haircuts to clothes. Below are just a few ways you and your family can help even more:
- CASA: Your local county probably has a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) group. They are always in need of things for the kids in foster care as well. Or, you can even consider becoming a CASA and help in a very profound way.
- Agencies: Research local private agencies that take on DCFS cases like our own - they also need things for the kids they take into care on an emergency basis. Our agency always needs clothes and diapers for all ages.
- Bag Fundraisers: Do a fundraiser by collecting duffel bags, toys, blankets, tooth brushes, etc. through organizations like Together We Rise or just do your own. The story of kids showing up to foster homes with just a garbage bag is not a myth, mine came with a garbage bag each filled with filthy blankets, stuffed animals, & no clothes.
- National Adoption Organizations: Organizations like the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a great resource for all things adoption and ways to help others with adoption. There are many organizations out there that are easy to find on the internet.
- Adoption Organizations: Local organizations like We Are Called to Care, offer a meal, a bag of starter things (like pjs, books, blankets, etc.) for your first night of placement, and support groups to help foster families succeed.
- Google: A simple Google search for adoption will come up with several ways you can help. One of which is bound to strike you and get you on your way to helping. I know it can be overwhelming, but all you have to do is just start someplace - big or small - you will help.
If anyone would like more information on adoption or fostering or both, I am always willing to talk about it. And, if I don't have the answers or information you need, I can lead you to where or whomever you need to be to find it.
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